Nothing much to share today.. jus been a busy day and yet a happy day. I like days like these.. hehe. Day started off with the curiosity coupled with optimism from last night ended on a good note. Making lots more plans to travel back home- its been a while!! And then met a friend in the evening.. sharing cultures and learning/discussing about different ways people across the world do things.. played hard for a good game of squash (the exercise bit of the day) and then a sumptuous dinner at a friends place to wrap things for the day again with sharing of memories from yester-years. In short, everything but the work on my dissertation (the most important bit in my life right now!) happened, and yet I am a happy man!!
Not that other things are write are any better :-), but nothing wise to share today, just a feeling of happiness from the present and optimism for the future..
Hope all goes well..
K
Thursday 12 July 2007
Wednesday 11 July 2007
Three things that make life so interesting..
In continuation with my thoughts on trying to "stay in the hunt" yesterday, I am experiencing a closely related feeling.. I ll use the word curiosity instead of impatience, for two reasons. One it sounds more appropriate to the range of word usability and situation dependence and Secondly, coz it sounds better :-).
Like most of my thoughts, its again very simplistic and yet interesting. How many times have you and I thought over an action that we didnt know the result of with a certain hope for a positive outcome or simply put with a curiosity to what will happen? I know I have and I do that in almost everything that I do. When I am playing golf, for example, after reading the grain and lining up my putt and agonizing over it for 2 seconds, when I finally hit - then conciously or sub-conciously (or both) I want it to end up in the hole. Thats the hope for the positive outcome bit. Additionally and more interestingly, if I have hit it well (and sometimes even if I haven't..) I am curious to know how it ll end up.. will it get in the hole? will it lip out? will it stop short? will it go long? how long or how short? There are a zillion thoughts that cross my mind in short span of at best 1 second.
If you arent too bored with this, extrapolate this to other scenarios e.g. You write an exam, you have prepared hard and studied for hours; in the exam written a lot of words, answered a lot of questions and when you walk out.. you immediately start thinking, I wonder how I did or more likely to say, I wonder what I'll score on that one. Most of us would say, I ll atleast score X or Y, and yet that inner feeling of hope for a positive outcome and curiosity of the actual result is there. Job interviews, Meeting somebody new, meeting an old friend.. and lots more.
An adjoining thought to this is the role of uncertainty in our lives. I thought over it a bit (trust me.. not by choice- Its a piece of my dissertation). Our lives are so uncertain! Just pause for a second and you could find there is practically uncertainty in everything - our next year, to our next month to our next day, next hour and for some people next minute. And for as much as you dont like the idea.. I think that's what complicates our lives, but at the same time makes them interesting as well. In every step and every move, we are trying to reduce or resolve or sometimes just best manage the uncertainty in our lives.
And I think these three things make our lives very interesting.. to not only think about but to live as well. Curiosity, Optimism and Uncertainty.. What are you curious about today? What are you hoping goes right for you next? What uncertainty are you trying to take out of you life now? Hope you can see the triangle of love between the three..
Have to admit, not academically brilliant, but mentally stimulating..hehe.What say you??
Cheers,
K
Like most of my thoughts, its again very simplistic and yet interesting. How many times have you and I thought over an action that we didnt know the result of with a certain hope for a positive outcome or simply put with a curiosity to what will happen? I know I have and I do that in almost everything that I do. When I am playing golf, for example, after reading the grain and lining up my putt and agonizing over it for 2 seconds, when I finally hit - then conciously or sub-conciously (or both) I want it to end up in the hole. Thats the hope for the positive outcome bit. Additionally and more interestingly, if I have hit it well (and sometimes even if I haven't..) I am curious to know how it ll end up.. will it get in the hole? will it lip out? will it stop short? will it go long? how long or how short? There are a zillion thoughts that cross my mind in short span of at best 1 second.
If you arent too bored with this, extrapolate this to other scenarios e.g. You write an exam, you have prepared hard and studied for hours; in the exam written a lot of words, answered a lot of questions and when you walk out.. you immediately start thinking, I wonder how I did or more likely to say, I wonder what I'll score on that one. Most of us would say, I ll atleast score X or Y, and yet that inner feeling of hope for a positive outcome and curiosity of the actual result is there. Job interviews, Meeting somebody new, meeting an old friend.. and lots more.
An adjoining thought to this is the role of uncertainty in our lives. I thought over it a bit (trust me.. not by choice- Its a piece of my dissertation). Our lives are so uncertain! Just pause for a second and you could find there is practically uncertainty in everything - our next year, to our next month to our next day, next hour and for some people next minute. And for as much as you dont like the idea.. I think that's what complicates our lives, but at the same time makes them interesting as well. In every step and every move, we are trying to reduce or resolve or sometimes just best manage the uncertainty in our lives.
And I think these three things make our lives very interesting.. to not only think about but to live as well. Curiosity, Optimism and Uncertainty.. What are you curious about today? What are you hoping goes right for you next? What uncertainty are you trying to take out of you life now? Hope you can see the triangle of love between the three..
Have to admit, not academically brilliant, but mentally stimulating..hehe.What say you??
Cheers,
K
Tuesday 10 July 2007
Time...
A long time back, I had read somewhere - "Time and Tide wait for none..". Today years gone by and gained wisdom (hopefully!) concur to this thought.. and as I start to think more on this. It has been a while, since I wrote on my page..and yet it seems like yesterday when I was writing almost daily.. almost yesterday when I had come from a exciting day trip to Bournemouth. To tell you a fact, it was exactly a month ago.
As I start digging up my past, a common theme cuts across - It seems like the last week, had just started and now I am already into the middle of this week.. It was only a few weeks before that I was working on some assignments day in and day out.. and that was 2 months ago. And those days when it was snowing and everything covered in white.. for a change, Warwick seemed a different land- was not so long ago.. and I keep backtracking.. It was not so long ago that I came to Warwick - with dreams in my eyes and inspiration in my heart, only to realize that it was nearly 1o months ago. I think of my first job and those long nights working as a software engineer, struggling to make our first project delivery.. about 2 years ago. And friends, those endless nights in university- first degree, friends I havent seen for ages and yet it feels not so long ago. What I am realizing is that how quickly things have moved on in my life.. and I doubt that its the age..
However, there is an antithesis to it as well.. There are times that things have happened rather recently, and then I wonder.. that it seemed like a long long time back. For example, I had my final interview for a job in mid april - now thats only 3 months back.. but again seems like it was long long back. In the same vein, as I typed above, I saw my family 10 months ago, but i am understating this when I say it seems longer than 1o years. I have not spoken to my family on web-cam chat for 2 days, and I feel its been ages..
So what am I saying? the conclusion maybe is (thats my caveat!) that things you cherish, you like, occasional occurrences ranging from once to something that happen less frequently than daily from your past seem to stay with you longer and even though time keeps rolling forward, they stay fresh in your ming and you look back at them with a smile on your face and fondness in your heart. But things that are integral to your daily life, something that you dearly close - you think that you cant live without, seems like it happened only like yesterday.
Having attempted to draw this entry to a close, and yet been unsuccessful in coming to a reasonable conclusion - although it seems like an interesting topic to pursue a Psychology PhD in, I am reminded that I have been lagging on my disseration, which seems like I started only yesterday, but has been 7 months since I gathered my articles for it.. hehe. I guess this is another aspect, sometimes you want the time to stop, so you can catch up with all those things that you should have done, but you havent for one reason or the other (like I desperately did for the assignment I submitted this monday!) OR turn back so you can redo a thing better.. (like today's golf round I played)
A harsh but important lesson to learn has been that you gotta stay up to speed with time.. It will keep moving, and one has to make sure that they do the things they need to do when its time to do them.. Coz as much as you may wish, neither can you turn back time nor will it wait for you!!
Written and articulated in memories of a loved one.. whom I haven't thought about in decades, haven't spoken to in centuries, haven't met in more than a millenium and haven't hugged & kissed in only God knows how long.. you know my time frames now!!
As I start digging up my past, a common theme cuts across - It seems like the last week, had just started and now I am already into the middle of this week.. It was only a few weeks before that I was working on some assignments day in and day out.. and that was 2 months ago. And those days when it was snowing and everything covered in white.. for a change, Warwick seemed a different land- was not so long ago.. and I keep backtracking.. It was not so long ago that I came to Warwick - with dreams in my eyes and inspiration in my heart, only to realize that it was nearly 1o months ago. I think of my first job and those long nights working as a software engineer, struggling to make our first project delivery.. about 2 years ago. And friends, those endless nights in university- first degree, friends I havent seen for ages and yet it feels not so long ago. What I am realizing is that how quickly things have moved on in my life.. and I doubt that its the age..
However, there is an antithesis to it as well.. There are times that things have happened rather recently, and then I wonder.. that it seemed like a long long time back. For example, I had my final interview for a job in mid april - now thats only 3 months back.. but again seems like it was long long back. In the same vein, as I typed above, I saw my family 10 months ago, but i am understating this when I say it seems longer than 1o years. I have not spoken to my family on web-cam chat for 2 days, and I feel its been ages..
So what am I saying? the conclusion maybe is (thats my caveat!) that things you cherish, you like, occasional occurrences ranging from once to something that happen less frequently than daily from your past seem to stay with you longer and even though time keeps rolling forward, they stay fresh in your ming and you look back at them with a smile on your face and fondness in your heart. But things that are integral to your daily life, something that you dearly close - you think that you cant live without, seems like it happened only like yesterday.
Having attempted to draw this entry to a close, and yet been unsuccessful in coming to a reasonable conclusion - although it seems like an interesting topic to pursue a Psychology PhD in, I am reminded that I have been lagging on my disseration, which seems like I started only yesterday, but has been 7 months since I gathered my articles for it.. hehe. I guess this is another aspect, sometimes you want the time to stop, so you can catch up with all those things that you should have done, but you havent for one reason or the other (like I desperately did for the assignment I submitted this monday!) OR turn back so you can redo a thing better.. (like today's golf round I played)
A harsh but important lesson to learn has been that you gotta stay up to speed with time.. It will keep moving, and one has to make sure that they do the things they need to do when its time to do them.. Coz as much as you may wish, neither can you turn back time nor will it wait for you!!
Written and articulated in memories of a loved one.. whom I haven't thought about in decades, haven't spoken to in centuries, haven't met in more than a millenium and haven't hugged & kissed in only God knows how long.. you know my time frames now!!
Thursday 7 June 2007
Fight or Flight...
Heard this banal comment or a boring adage - "Fight or Flight response". I have felt that to be my story for today.. over some self thoughts and a conversation with a dear friend. I have gone back and forth to evaluate my own responses to circumstances without making much headway. Drawing a common conclusion, but from my own experiences this time - that it is sometimes so much easier to run away from work to be done or responsibilities to be fulfilled.. and then you start finding comfort in everything else that can keep you away from that important or priority task..
I had a meeting with project supervisor today.. which I wont say went particularly well.. I had read quite a lot last week and then it all seemed futile once he started talking.. I just wanted to keep it simple, instead I heard it from him - "Nish, Keep it simple mate!". Had another interesting discussion with a friend - both of us on two differing schools of thought - 'Change of place can lead to change in mindset' presented by my respectable friend and my own version 'Change has to come from within.. not from outside'. I dont know which one is right, if either one. However, my argument is that often you do have to return to the same place or even if you dont, you still have the same circumstances i.e. the same problems and same issues and same challenges. A break can help every now and then, but its the self-discipline and mental toughness that can help achieve it much quicker and arguably more lasting than a temporary rescue.
All said and done, I am hoping to find the required will level and rigor to fight the desires to find solace in guilt or unproductive things or run away.. I am hoping I can move on to have a mindset set by the lines put forward by Dr. Robert Schuller "Tough times don't last tough people do.." I wanna be tough.. and I hoping my friend will be too!
I had a meeting with project supervisor today.. which I wont say went particularly well.. I had read quite a lot last week and then it all seemed futile once he started talking.. I just wanted to keep it simple, instead I heard it from him - "Nish, Keep it simple mate!". Had another interesting discussion with a friend - both of us on two differing schools of thought - 'Change of place can lead to change in mindset' presented by my respectable friend and my own version 'Change has to come from within.. not from outside'. I dont know which one is right, if either one. However, my argument is that often you do have to return to the same place or even if you dont, you still have the same circumstances i.e. the same problems and same issues and same challenges. A break can help every now and then, but its the self-discipline and mental toughness that can help achieve it much quicker and arguably more lasting than a temporary rescue.
All said and done, I am hoping to find the required will level and rigor to fight the desires to find solace in guilt or unproductive things or run away.. I am hoping I can move on to have a mindset set by the lines put forward by Dr. Robert Schuller "Tough times don't last tough people do.." I wanna be tough.. and I hoping my friend will be too!
Wednesday 6 June 2007
A good day and yet something is amiss...
What can I say.. have had a perfect day actually.. got up early.. spoke to my Dad.. ran around to do few errands and then went to play a nice (almost!) round of golf on a nice course in very nice weather.. came back to an enjoyable French class and then made a new friend in the evening.. good dinner with my house mates.. and absolutely no work on the project.. what more could I ask for???
And yet the feeling surmounts, one of incompleteness and a void.. when the activities just happen around you and about you.. maybe even inside your own head.. however their relevance seems to die with every passing moment. Strangely enough, I tried hard to follow the golden principle of 'enjoying the moment'.. and to be fair to myself and my good day, I had a few good moments - however, the sense of achievement, satisfaction and most importantly contentment is missing.. I wonder what could it be.. And to add to the misery, this thought of not being able to diagnose the gap along with the gap is quite perturbing... Oh well.. Am gonna try and sleep over it and start a fresh one tomorrow.. Hope and Expectations.. hehe
Well, have a fairly busy few days lined up ahead.. have had busy days planned, even though haven't got much done in the week so far.. hehe, but hoping to turn over a new leaf tomorrow. Have to admit it has been a good day, thanks to my friend whom I spent an enjoyable 20 min freezing myself in a t-shirt late this evening.. She's cool :-) .. and I look fwd to seeing her next.. till then I fight this feeling deep inside and optimistically wonder how I can fill this void in my heart and brain and soul up..
Ciao!
p.s. Thanks to my Golf Society president for arranging the play this afternoon.. it was an expensive round.. but I enjoyed it!!
And yet the feeling surmounts, one of incompleteness and a void.. when the activities just happen around you and about you.. maybe even inside your own head.. however their relevance seems to die with every passing moment. Strangely enough, I tried hard to follow the golden principle of 'enjoying the moment'.. and to be fair to myself and my good day, I had a few good moments - however, the sense of achievement, satisfaction and most importantly contentment is missing.. I wonder what could it be.. And to add to the misery, this thought of not being able to diagnose the gap along with the gap is quite perturbing... Oh well.. Am gonna try and sleep over it and start a fresh one tomorrow.. Hope and Expectations.. hehe
Well, have a fairly busy few days lined up ahead.. have had busy days planned, even though haven't got much done in the week so far.. hehe, but hoping to turn over a new leaf tomorrow. Have to admit it has been a good day, thanks to my friend whom I spent an enjoyable 20 min freezing myself in a t-shirt late this evening.. She's cool :-) .. and I look fwd to seeing her next.. till then I fight this feeling deep inside and optimistically wonder how I can fill this void in my heart and brain and soul up..
Ciao!
p.s. Thanks to my Golf Society president for arranging the play this afternoon.. it was an expensive round.. but I enjoyed it!!
Sunday 3 June 2007
Pieces in a Jigsaw Puzzle
Hey,
Yes I am finally writing after what seems like ages to myself.. and when I sit back and really wonder what have I been engrossed in.. I struggle to find anything substantial to mention. And this note is one of extreme chaos in the mind... and one written on the very verge of boredom.
The thought again is very simple and probably recurrent. My engagement in my research project for the past couple of weeks in full flow has made me feel busy and there has been a dire need to be so as well... however with days passing like hours, and the work done measured in words written or articles read keeps slipping to new lows.... And finally today on a nice pleasant and warm sunday, i feel that all my reading and thoughts are like pieces in a jigsaw puzzle, which I am discovering to begin with and then gathering them together with efforts of cohesive thinking to form my puzzle picture, which i dont know myself what it looks like. Can confirm its not a very 'happy' situation to be in.. however, like a sailor at sea who sees miles and miles of water around, with dream land only in mind and not in sight - I go through the process of sailing, gathering my pieces and hoping that one day they ll starting falling into their designated places..
Closing here with an unsettled mind and heart....
Cheers,
Me
Yes I am finally writing after what seems like ages to myself.. and when I sit back and really wonder what have I been engrossed in.. I struggle to find anything substantial to mention. And this note is one of extreme chaos in the mind... and one written on the very verge of boredom.
The thought again is very simple and probably recurrent. My engagement in my research project for the past couple of weeks in full flow has made me feel busy and there has been a dire need to be so as well... however with days passing like hours, and the work done measured in words written or articles read keeps slipping to new lows.... And finally today on a nice pleasant and warm sunday, i feel that all my reading and thoughts are like pieces in a jigsaw puzzle, which I am discovering to begin with and then gathering them together with efforts of cohesive thinking to form my puzzle picture, which i dont know myself what it looks like. Can confirm its not a very 'happy' situation to be in.. however, like a sailor at sea who sees miles and miles of water around, with dream land only in mind and not in sight - I go through the process of sailing, gathering my pieces and hoping that one day they ll starting falling into their designated places..
Closing here with an unsettled mind and heart....
Cheers,
Me
Tuesday 29 May 2007
Rollecoasters - heaven or hell - a perspective and a question!!!
Bonjour!!
Yes, I have been on a roller coaster today.. well through the past few years I would say, they have only been emotional (leave that for explanation to some other day..), but today in a visit to Alton Towers with good friends of mine I did see and dare I add ride some of them. I must acknowledge the complete credit for organizing and executing the trip to Noor Palijo (a close friend) - job well done, Sir!.
Apart from the engineering marvel of the various rides at the theme park, I was struck by this thought - actually better be frank and say stared at by my own fears - dont know how to classify - for given my ambition to be an aviator pilot once, I would like to think that I am not afraid of heights - but with rides that travel at fast speeds, twisting and turning, rising and falling and the individual hanging in mid air - I can assert those safety belts and bars dont offer much solace to weak hearts. There would be various traits that have been and could be suggested - cowardice, being the one that I wanna pick up today.
Yes!! Its the one, or the opposite bravery that is generally associated with great men... My question is that can bravery be judged on the choice of rides one chooses to take in a theme park or is it bigger (and possibly deeper ;-)) than that? My argument is that it would be, for now atleast. This expression is also inspired by another piece I heard on the radio last week, where the "punjabi" host of the radio show (a Punjabi Radio Show, mind you!!) accepted very coolly that he was a "darpok" or a coward. It startled me to hear a Punjabi, who are well renowned for their bravery and valor, say that.. until I realized the honesty in the statement and the amount of guts it takes to admit that. I hope you would agree...And for today (and future roller-coaster rides), I am following suit to that!!
I am gonna leave it that for tonite.. sleep over the question and like I put in the title, my perspective on roller coasters and maybe come bac on it if i ponder again..
sayonara :-)
Yes, I have been on a roller coaster today.. well through the past few years I would say, they have only been emotional (leave that for explanation to some other day..), but today in a visit to Alton Towers with good friends of mine I did see and dare I add ride some of them. I must acknowledge the complete credit for organizing and executing the trip to Noor Palijo (a close friend) - job well done, Sir!.
Apart from the engineering marvel of the various rides at the theme park, I was struck by this thought - actually better be frank and say stared at by my own fears - dont know how to classify - for given my ambition to be an aviator pilot once, I would like to think that I am not afraid of heights - but with rides that travel at fast speeds, twisting and turning, rising and falling and the individual hanging in mid air - I can assert those safety belts and bars dont offer much solace to weak hearts. There would be various traits that have been and could be suggested - cowardice, being the one that I wanna pick up today.
Yes!! Its the one, or the opposite bravery that is generally associated with great men... My question is that can bravery be judged on the choice of rides one chooses to take in a theme park or is it bigger (and possibly deeper ;-)) than that? My argument is that it would be, for now atleast. This expression is also inspired by another piece I heard on the radio last week, where the "punjabi" host of the radio show (a Punjabi Radio Show, mind you!!) accepted very coolly that he was a "darpok" or a coward. It startled me to hear a Punjabi, who are well renowned for their bravery and valor, say that.. until I realized the honesty in the statement and the amount of guts it takes to admit that. I hope you would agree...And for today (and future roller-coaster rides), I am following suit to that!!
I am gonna leave it that for tonite.. sleep over the question and like I put in the title, my perspective on roller coasters and maybe come bac on it if i ponder again..
sayonara :-)
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