Heard this banal comment or a boring adage - "Fight or Flight response". I have felt that to be my story for today.. over some self thoughts and a conversation with a dear friend. I have gone back and forth to evaluate my own responses to circumstances without making much headway. Drawing a common conclusion, but from my own experiences this time - that it is sometimes so much easier to run away from work to be done or responsibilities to be fulfilled.. and then you start finding comfort in everything else that can keep you away from that important or priority task..
I had a meeting with project supervisor today.. which I wont say went particularly well.. I had read quite a lot last week and then it all seemed futile once he started talking.. I just wanted to keep it simple, instead I heard it from him - "Nish, Keep it simple mate!". Had another interesting discussion with a friend - both of us on two differing schools of thought - 'Change of place can lead to change in mindset' presented by my respectable friend and my own version 'Change has to come from within.. not from outside'. I dont know which one is right, if either one. However, my argument is that often you do have to return to the same place or even if you dont, you still have the same circumstances i.e. the same problems and same issues and same challenges. A break can help every now and then, but its the self-discipline and mental toughness that can help achieve it much quicker and arguably more lasting than a temporary rescue.
All said and done, I am hoping to find the required will level and rigor to fight the desires to find solace in guilt or unproductive things or run away.. I am hoping I can move on to have a mindset set by the lines put forward by Dr. Robert Schuller "Tough times don't last tough people do.." I wanna be tough.. and I hoping my friend will be too!
Thursday 7 June 2007
Wednesday 6 June 2007
A good day and yet something is amiss...
What can I say.. have had a perfect day actually.. got up early.. spoke to my Dad.. ran around to do few errands and then went to play a nice (almost!) round of golf on a nice course in very nice weather.. came back to an enjoyable French class and then made a new friend in the evening.. good dinner with my house mates.. and absolutely no work on the project.. what more could I ask for???
And yet the feeling surmounts, one of incompleteness and a void.. when the activities just happen around you and about you.. maybe even inside your own head.. however their relevance seems to die with every passing moment. Strangely enough, I tried hard to follow the golden principle of 'enjoying the moment'.. and to be fair to myself and my good day, I had a few good moments - however, the sense of achievement, satisfaction and most importantly contentment is missing.. I wonder what could it be.. And to add to the misery, this thought of not being able to diagnose the gap along with the gap is quite perturbing... Oh well.. Am gonna try and sleep over it and start a fresh one tomorrow.. Hope and Expectations.. hehe
Well, have a fairly busy few days lined up ahead.. have had busy days planned, even though haven't got much done in the week so far.. hehe, but hoping to turn over a new leaf tomorrow. Have to admit it has been a good day, thanks to my friend whom I spent an enjoyable 20 min freezing myself in a t-shirt late this evening.. She's cool :-) .. and I look fwd to seeing her next.. till then I fight this feeling deep inside and optimistically wonder how I can fill this void in my heart and brain and soul up..
Ciao!
p.s. Thanks to my Golf Society president for arranging the play this afternoon.. it was an expensive round.. but I enjoyed it!!
And yet the feeling surmounts, one of incompleteness and a void.. when the activities just happen around you and about you.. maybe even inside your own head.. however their relevance seems to die with every passing moment. Strangely enough, I tried hard to follow the golden principle of 'enjoying the moment'.. and to be fair to myself and my good day, I had a few good moments - however, the sense of achievement, satisfaction and most importantly contentment is missing.. I wonder what could it be.. And to add to the misery, this thought of not being able to diagnose the gap along with the gap is quite perturbing... Oh well.. Am gonna try and sleep over it and start a fresh one tomorrow.. Hope and Expectations.. hehe
Well, have a fairly busy few days lined up ahead.. have had busy days planned, even though haven't got much done in the week so far.. hehe, but hoping to turn over a new leaf tomorrow. Have to admit it has been a good day, thanks to my friend whom I spent an enjoyable 20 min freezing myself in a t-shirt late this evening.. She's cool :-) .. and I look fwd to seeing her next.. till then I fight this feeling deep inside and optimistically wonder how I can fill this void in my heart and brain and soul up..
Ciao!
p.s. Thanks to my Golf Society president for arranging the play this afternoon.. it was an expensive round.. but I enjoyed it!!
Sunday 3 June 2007
Pieces in a Jigsaw Puzzle
Hey,
Yes I am finally writing after what seems like ages to myself.. and when I sit back and really wonder what have I been engrossed in.. I struggle to find anything substantial to mention. And this note is one of extreme chaos in the mind... and one written on the very verge of boredom.
The thought again is very simple and probably recurrent. My engagement in my research project for the past couple of weeks in full flow has made me feel busy and there has been a dire need to be so as well... however with days passing like hours, and the work done measured in words written or articles read keeps slipping to new lows.... And finally today on a nice pleasant and warm sunday, i feel that all my reading and thoughts are like pieces in a jigsaw puzzle, which I am discovering to begin with and then gathering them together with efforts of cohesive thinking to form my puzzle picture, which i dont know myself what it looks like. Can confirm its not a very 'happy' situation to be in.. however, like a sailor at sea who sees miles and miles of water around, with dream land only in mind and not in sight - I go through the process of sailing, gathering my pieces and hoping that one day they ll starting falling into their designated places..
Closing here with an unsettled mind and heart....
Cheers,
Me
Yes I am finally writing after what seems like ages to myself.. and when I sit back and really wonder what have I been engrossed in.. I struggle to find anything substantial to mention. And this note is one of extreme chaos in the mind... and one written on the very verge of boredom.
The thought again is very simple and probably recurrent. My engagement in my research project for the past couple of weeks in full flow has made me feel busy and there has been a dire need to be so as well... however with days passing like hours, and the work done measured in words written or articles read keeps slipping to new lows.... And finally today on a nice pleasant and warm sunday, i feel that all my reading and thoughts are like pieces in a jigsaw puzzle, which I am discovering to begin with and then gathering them together with efforts of cohesive thinking to form my puzzle picture, which i dont know myself what it looks like. Can confirm its not a very 'happy' situation to be in.. however, like a sailor at sea who sees miles and miles of water around, with dream land only in mind and not in sight - I go through the process of sailing, gathering my pieces and hoping that one day they ll starting falling into their designated places..
Closing here with an unsettled mind and heart....
Cheers,
Me
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